Three kinds of support you need

Weekly Radish 29

Who is on your side?

In this week’s video video I build on last week’s theme of asking for help and give you three critical elements you need in your support network. 

The motivation for sharing this video and last week’s, was a rather challenging month for me. March was packed with both work and life challenges and in the midst of it the old temptations for me to close down and isolate came back. 

As I wrestled with a large project with some steep learning curves, I found myself so tempted to shut the world out and ‘focus.’  However, past experience has shown me that that is not only inefficient but not good for me. 

So, I followed this advice and used my moral support a fair bit (Lesley and my business support group), tactical ( contact with my network and a marketing support group) and truth teller (Lesley! and myself in particular!).  All in all, it resulted in a bumpy but successful conclusion to March and I came through in better shape than I would have done.  The support was the critical factor.

I hope you found this video and these tips valuable - let me know your thoughts by hitting reply. 

Keep an eye out for the next blog. Transcript for video below.

Dave Algeo

Motivational Speaker on resilience and men's mental health.

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Transcript:

- Support network, who is on your side?

(upbeat guitar music)

Last week's Weekly Radish
I explored the reasons

why we often don't ask
for help, and I wanted you

to reflect on those and
challenge them, and be open

to the possibility that
you may need support,

and that asking for it
could be just what you need.

This week I wanna talk about
three key areas of support

that you may want to consider building on

and strengthening in your network.

Number one,
(camera shutter clicks)

moral support.

♫ Ahhhhh

No, not that kind of moral.

What I'm talkin' about here
when I talk about moral support

is that support, that
somebody that you can go to.

You know when you have
that moment and your head's

just about to blow and you feel ahh.

Somebody you can go to and
just walk in the office or

in the room, shut the door and just go

"I (censor beep) sick of this.

"I've had e(censor beep)nough,
and I've done (censor beep)

" (censor beep) sayin' this,
you know I've (censor beep)

"had it up to here with this
lot and I (censor beep) grah!"

And you verbally vomit on them.

Preferably that person is a
willing participant in this,

but the ideas it that you've got

somebody that you can just blah to!

Have you got somebody
like that in your life,

because bless them they can do so much

good just by lending an ear to listen.

You may still have the
problem, you may still have

the challenges, you may
still have those issues that

you need to deal with,
but how good does it

feel just to get it out there?

And not only that, you're
hearing it with these things

for possibly the first
time, and you can start to

put it in perspective
and make it tangible.

Don't underestimate the power
of the cathartic release.

That ability to just blah,
unload on somebody else.

Number two,
(camera shutter clicks)

Tactical help.

Now yeah okay, I'm using
a word that probably comes

easily to my tongue being
a former police officer,

but I'm talking about tactical,
practical help advice.

The kinds of things that you
need when your car breaks down.

You know the things in like
that just go wrong from

time to time, and it's not
until then that you realise

you've got nobody to help you with.

So the car breaking
down, your IT problems,

child minder goes sick.

All of those things, what have you got

in place for backup plans?

Who've you got that you can
go to to pick up the slack,

to pick up the pieces when
something breaks down or

goes wrong, or to fix it and
practical, tactical advice

is a little bit more than that.

It's somebody you can pick
up the phone to and say,

"Look I've got this problem, I need

"to speak to such-and-such."

It could be a difficult conversation you

need to have at work.

"I know you dealt with
it, how did you deal with

"it last time what was it
you did, because I'm not that

"confidant with it, could
you just talk me through

"what you did, and give us a few tips?"

That kind of advice can be invaluable from

somebody who's been there and done it.

So tactical, practical advice and help.

Bottom line it could come down to,

"Yeah, give us the bairn for half an hour.

"You go and get yourself a bit of a break.

"Go and have a walk, go and have a coffee,

"and I'll look after them
for half an hour for you."

That kind of support can be invaluable.

Number three,
(camera shutter clicks)

The truth teller.

(sighs)

These are the people that you don't want

to hear from, but sometimes need to.

Let's be right, they're
the pains in the backside,

but sometimes we can get
so stuck in a problem,

we can get so stuck in living the drama,

living the problem that we
don't shift ourselves out,

we lose perspective and we
sometimes just need that

tactful, trusted person, not
the Harry Enfield character

"You don't wanna do that,"
you want somebody that

you trust and like and
you respect to be able to

say to you, "Dave,"
replace my name with yours,

"look you've been here before,
you've done this before.

"Last time you said you were gonna do it

"differently and you haven't, come on.

"Give your head a shake, do it this time."

That kind of advice, that
kind of kick up the backside,

can be what it takes
to just help shift you.

So just get the balance
right between those three.

What do you like in your support network?

Have you got the moral
in place, have you got

the tactical, and have
you got the truth teller?

Yes it's about timing,
you're not going to go to the

truth teller when all you
want to do is go bluh.

You do not want somebody to say,

"Well I think you should do this,"

but make sure you've got
those three elements within

your support network and
if you haven't, see where

you can try to develop
that, but at the same time

if it's not present at the
moment recognise that you may

be just a little bit more
vulnerable to the stresses and

strains of life without
that support in place.

So remember those three: moral,
tactical, and truth teller,

and look at where you can
tap into that when required.

And don't forget that I also
do a Daily Sprout which is

a quick one-minute video with
a tip, a reflection, a thought

so if you want to tap into
that and get a Daily Sprout

delivery, then just sign
up with dailysprout.net and

claim your free gift as well there.

See ya next week.

(upbeat guitar music)