Three reasons why we struggle to ask for help

Weekly Radish 28

Why don’t you just ask?

Are you the kind of person who struggles to open up or seek out the support of someone when you are struggling?  If, so then this video will be important to watch.  Reflect on what is stopping you.

In this week’s video I want you to reflect on asking for help and whether you do ask when you need to.  Asking for help can be difficult for many of us.  It can feel like a sign of weakness or that we aren’t coping and we don’t want to burden others.  But, it is an essential ingredient to success and to maintaining our own wellbeing.  Do you recognise these three reasons why we don’t ask for help? Next week we will look at why it is important to get past these barriers and ask for or tap into support.

I have struggled with this one in the past and have been very prone to holding it all in.  It can sometimes feel easier to ‘carry on regardless’ but that can lead to disaster at worst and dragging out painful experiences and struggles far longer than necessary.  Reflect on how you can build constructive support into your life and next week I will give three kinds of support you need.

Keep an eye out for the next blog.

Transcript for video below.

Dave Algeo

Motivational Speaker on resilience and men's mental health. 

Asking yourself 'is this it?'  Have you got to a point in life where, despite working hard and building a 'great life' you still feel there's got to me more?  Here's a short video with three tips to help you get back a sense of hope and direction.

Transcript:

 

- Need some support?

Why don't use just ask?

Asking for help, asking
for support, comfort,

reassurance, guidance, whatever it is,

can be a really tough
thing for some of us to do,

and there is some key reasons
that seem to crop up regularly

when I run my workshops,

and I want to address them now,

and next week's Weekly
Radish, I'm gonna look at

the kinds of support
we need to try to build

into our support team,
our network, if you like.

But, for this week, I want you
to reflect on these reasons,

and see if these are reasons

that you find yourself
using or falling back on.

Reason number one.

I don't want to be perceived
as not coping, as being weak,

as not being able to cope
just like everybody else is.

Now, that's a common one,
and it's understandable,

because asking for
support, asking for help,

does imply that we are
somehow falling short

in a particular area,
whether it's a skill,

whether it's a resource,
whether it's energy,

time, or emotional energy.

But, what I want you do is remind yourself

that permission to be human.

We all need support, and actually,

the truly successful people,
the people who truly cope,

who truly achieve and
overcome the obstacles

are people who are honest,

and willing to accept their weaknesses,

accept their vulnerabilities,

and accept when they need
that help and support,

and then ask for it.

So, just remember, when you
find yourself holding back

because you don't want
to be perceived as weak,

you don't want to be
perceived as not coping,

that, actually, success in
all aspects relies on you

asking for that kind of support.

As I said, next week's Weekly
Radish we're gonna look at

the kinds of support,
and if you are worried,

or you tend to think
that showing of weakness

may have an impact on your career,

other people's perceptions of you,

then there may be an
element of truth in that,

but then it comes down to how
do I ask for that support,

who do I ask for that
support, where do I go for it?

Because, it may be that certain
people you will not go to

for those very reasons,
that's fair enough,

but don't avoid the asking for help

on the basis of it being
perceived as a sign of weakness.

Number two.

You've been let down before.

I've asked for help, and
I've been just dropped in it,

I've been betrayed, I've
been let down before,

so, there's no point.

Or, there's nobody around to
ask, there's nobody I trust.

Now, this is an important one,

because past experiences does
not predict future success

when you ask for help.

Yes, you may have learned a painful lesson

by going to the wrong person.

By going to a friend, or somebody
you thought was a friend,

and having your trust betrayed

or being dismissed, or
belittled, or embarrassed.

But, that does not mean
that asking for help

is the wrong thing to do.

It may have been the person
was the wrong person to choose,

but we learn, we make mistakes.

Let's, rather than throwing the baby out

with the bath water,

let's recognise the
importance of asking for help,

and just learn from our
previous lessons and pick,

with that wisdom of experience in mind.

And, number three.

Everybody else is busy, and I
cannot be putting onto them,

they've got enough on their plate,

and that's a common one, isn't it?

Because we don't want to trouble,

we don't want to put onto other people.

We see everybody else is stressed

and got their own problems and challenges.

But, what I often find,
is that those of us

who are prone to not asking for help

are often the people who are
very good at giving support,

at helping others, at being
there for other people.

Being the rock for everyone else.

And, I want you just to
be honest with yourself.

You will get something out of that.

You will get a sense of
gratification, of reward,

of good feeling by being that
support for somebody else.

And, by not asking
somebody else for support,

you're actually preventing
them from having

that same feeling, that same
warm glow when they help you.

That same feeling of satisfaction
in helping another person.

And, in actual fact, when
we support somebody else,

the positive way to support

is not to take their problems off them,

not to take that burden from them.

It's to help them and
empower them to cope, deal,

and solve the challenges
and problems themselves,

and if you ask with that in mind,

that you are asking for support

in helping you deal with your challenge,

then you are not burdening somebody else,

you're actually, possibly asking them

for that one piece of advice

that is at the tip of their fingers

that can make all the difference for you.

So, remember those
three reasons, and just,

if you find yourself falling into the trap

of listening to one of those reasons,

and therefore not asking for help,

I don't want to be a sign of weakness

and show that I'm not coping,

I've asked before, and I've been let down,

so I'm not gonna bother,

or, I don't want to put on to
somebody else, then just stop.

Counter that argument with
those reasons that I've given,

and step forward and ask for support.

And, don't forget, next
week's Weekly Radish

I'll dig into the kinds of support we need

to build into our network,

and if you want to ensure you
don't miss the Weekly Radish,

please sign up at the weeklyradish.com,

and make sure you get this
video to your inbox every week,

and I'll send you a little
gift into the mix, as well.